The teachers have gone crazy at Hogwarts!
by HermioneAndDraco4eva
Summary: All the teachers at Hogwarts are acting rather strange! I'm terrible at summary's so just read and review please!
1. Dumbledore

As was customary, Dumbledore stood after the start of term feast to give a speech…though this year's was quite a bit different than usual.

'Welcome back to all the old students and hello and welcome the new students. Before you all trot off to bed I have an announcement to make…I shall not be Headmaster of Hogwarts any longer.'  
Here Dumbledore paused long enough to let the message sink in before continuing, 'Minerva McGonagall shall be our new Headmistress…' Dumbledore waved his hand over at Professor McGonagall, who inclined her head in acknowledgement, although she looked a bit sourer than usual (if that was possible).  
Professor Dumbledore carried on, 'I have decided that is about time I stopped lying to myself and I accomplished my dreams…This!' with the word 'this' Dumbledore underwent a complete transformation.

His long silver hair gathered itself back into a pony and tied itself up with a leather strip, his half moon glasses vanished and a pair of dark reflecting sunglasses appeared in their place and his beard trimmed itself into a small, neat, pointed goatee.  
But the strangest thing was Dumbledore's clothes.  
His buckled shoes were replaced by high tight leather biker boots, his robes into a pair of tight, black leather pants and a tight white T-shirt and his purple cloak into a cracked leather jacket with studs on the back declaring 'Biker Dude'.  
Everyone sat still in their seats with their jaws practically touching the floor.

But it wasn't over yet.  
'Sorry if it's a tad of a shock everyone' Dumbledore continued in the tone of voice he usually used for some minor problem, like a Quidditch match being called off.  
'If you have any questions ask professor McGonagall or owl me' he finished off by clicking his fingers.  
A black, shiny Harley Davidson with flames painted on the sides of it appeared next to him.  
Dumbledore hopped on it, revved his engine and zoomed forwards, clearing the steps leading up to the teachers table, he whizzed down the middle of the great hall, yelling out 'Peace Dudes!!' before revving out of the Great Hall.  
Everyone jumped up and ran out, following him.  
All the students poured out onto the school grounds and watched Dumbledore ride away into the sunset, his long silver hair streaming out behind him.  
'Just another year at Hogwarts' commented Ron, Hermione nodded her head in reply and Harry grinned at him, 'Sure is' he said, 'Sure is!'.

**A/N**** I thought of this late one night…I liked the idea but I'm not sure why. I have some ideas in mind for later chapters but I don't know if I'll ever get round to writing them…lol. So anyway, this is my first story I've posted on Fanfic but not the first I've written, so read and review please! (by the way, none of the excellent characters in this story belong to me, they are all the brilliant J.K. Rowling's). **


	2. Snape

Chapter 2: Miss Snape

Harry, panting and out of breath, arrived at the potions dungeon 5 minutes late for class.  
While this would probably be OK in any other subject, as it was potions it was not.  
Harry fully expected (and with good reason) that Snape would give him at least 3 detentions and a load of points would be taken off Gryffindor.  
Needless to say, Harry was verysurprised when all Snape did was ask him (in a sickly sweet voice) to "Please sit down Harry dear."  
In fact Harry wasn't the only one looking shocked at this crazy comment.  
Ron and Hermione looked like they had just wet their pants (and not laughing either), and the rest of the class looked as though they had been punched in the face, (minus the bruises of course).  
Harry forced a smile and stumbled over to his seat, sat down and muttered to Ron and Hermione "What's wrong with Snape? Think he's been drinking too many of his own potions?"  
Ron grinned and was about to answer when Snape swept down on them and, batting his eyelids, produced yet another shocking remark to the class, "I would appreciate it if you all called me Mi…er…I mean PROFESSOR Snape-even behind my back. I just feel as though you aren't respecting me when you leave off the Professor…"  
This time,everyone looked as though they had peed their pants.  
"Oh don't look so shocked!" declared Snape dramatically, "…if that freaks you out, I don't know how I'll make my announcement later…."  
Snape fell silent and stayed that way till the end of the lesson.  
When the bell rang everyone grabbed their stuff and headed up to lunch in the Great Hall. People could still be heard muttering about "…bad dreams..." and "…mid-life crises! Must be…." Little did they know an even bigger surprise was to come.

At the end of lunch, just when everything seemed to be getting back to normal (besides the fact that Snape tucked his greasy hair behind his ears to eat, and kept dabbing the corners of his mouth delicately with his napkin) Snape stood up and cleared his throat.  
Everyone fell silent.  
"The other day," he announced (still in his sickly sweet voice), "Dumbledore turned his dreams into reality, finally becoming the biker I think we all knew he was at heart."  
A few eyebrows were raised here.  
"Well, I have decided, with Dumbledore's announcement as support, to follow my dreams also,"  
"Oh no," muttered Ron, "What's he want to be? A ballerina?" "Shhh!" whispered Hermione.  
"So here is my transformation!" declared Snape, snapping his fingers.  
Everyone watched, spellbound, as Snape's lank greasy hair became a shiny pony-tail, his crooked nose became shorter, and lip-gloss, eyeliner, mascara and foundation altered his (once ugly) face.  
His black pointed boots became black pointed peep-toed high heels, his black robes turned into a black pencil skirt and opaque tights.  
His cloak merged into a tight black woman's business jacket (complete with boobs) and a black crocodile skin purse appeared in his hand.  
By the time this had all finished everyone had peed their pants and were incapable of moving.  
Snape looked at everyone and said "May you all please call me Miss Snape from now on?" before clicking off down the middle of the Great Hall, out the doors and down to the dungeons.

There was a mad rush for the bathrooms.

**A/N: Well what do you think? Incredibly stupid? Mildly humorous? Review and tell me! **

**Disclaimer: All i own is a large book collection. Not this story or any other i post on fanfiction. Duhh.   
**


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